A non caring prick...

Dear You,

I fucking hate you. You have done nothing right and just expect the world to bow down. I have just realized I owe you nothing and can be better than you thought. I don't need you and all the hate texts you send can stop now. For someone who doesn't care you blow up my shit 24/7.


Sincerely,

Me

oh well

So everything is upside down and you don't know which way to go then where do you go? Personally I think time will resolve these issues and as of right now I have nothing but time. Right when I was ready to put someone first before everything I got dropped all cause they weren't feeling well. They said I refused to fight for us. Tell me this, when everything is perfect what needs to be fought for? People these days; think life is like a movie. Get outta here.

blah

I am so fucking annoyed it is ridiculous.

A Damaged Lover

Sometime people have to come to the realization that by loving someone you weaken them. Even if your love seems justified, if you don't give it 100% and your all then you are just crippling them. To love someone fully and not be loved back seems like the ultimate torture. I have been a victim to it and I have been the perpetrator as well. I am still unsure about the love I had for a former person. I gave her everything possible but I don't know if I did it for love or the idea of love. Make sense? I guess I am a romantic and people saw what I was doing as desperate and foolish when really I was just trying to be what that person wanted. I learned a huge lesson from that relationship. I learned that you can't make someone love you and if they don't then you need to let go. I held on for way to long and almost let something good pass me by. There was another relationship where I was the bad one, I was the one who never gave myself fully. I feel bad for that and if I could take my actions back from the start I would. You should never start something you have no intention of finishing. I took someone's heart without even fully revealing mine. I've been in her shoes and I know how much it hurts to hold on to any chance of hope but yet I continue not to care. I mean I do care to a certain point I wonder and say what if but I have no remorse. Apparently I can crush someone and not even think twice. When I describe that I guess I seem like a monster but I am honest when it comes to all intentions. I can honestly say that I have loved in three different ways. I have had first love, unbreakable live, and I've had head-over-heels passionate love. All are different, all are tragic, and all are beautiful in some way.

A silent person

So arguing about my family seems to be a constant thing in my relationship. She has a perfect family I mean the family you see on tv type. Yes like any family they have problems and health issues but no matter what they are there for each other. Each put the other above themselves. They are the opposite of selfish towards each other. It is something I envy but understand. I don't judge in any way anymore but yet I constantly get judged by mine. They screw me over yes but there was a time this didn't happen. There was a time when my dad was alive and sorted all this out. Now that he is gone our family is completely chaotic. It's hard for her to sit there and watch me get screwed I know but I'm slowly trying to adjust myself. Put yourself in my shoes, you are a 22 year old who is on the right path in life. You are doing things your family never did and you have your shit together compared to everyone in your family yet they are older then you. It's hard to tell my family how to live and what they are suppose to do. I have a fear of them thinking I think I'm too good for them or better then them. I don't feel like it should be my job to put people in their place. I don't want to be in charge of that in 22!! It is hard for her to see that even though my family life is rough they are all I have. Yes I have her but if she were to up and leave who would I turn to? I want my family to be better, who wouldnt but it's out of my control.

an anxious boo

So today is the day! The love of my life is taking a very important important test, her LSAT. She is already accepted at a law school here in state but if she gets a better score it will be a lot cheaper. The original plan was for her to move out of state and go to law school down south, somewhere like Florida or Georgia. She is very capable of doing so but she is a semester ahead of me meaning a semester of long distance. It's not impossible but we are doing so good we really don't want to throw a wrench in it. I  think tonight we should celebrate and go out, have a couple of drinks and have a good time. I really planned on writing a lot more on this blog but I am way to distracted with the television show on. I will try to continue this later because what I just wrote this bull.

A complainer

Alright I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have a lot going for me right now. I just bought myself something I have been wanting and deserved. I have a person who loves and supports me in any way needed and I am alive and breathing. I have a loving kitty named Meowser who is healthy an happy and above all I have an iPhone and my own line. Took me a while to get a line in my name but now that I have it I feel great. I need to breathe and realize life isn't that bad and it could be worse. Also I got over a million in temple run (geeky but cool)

a middle class lame

Last night was great and this morning was the exact opposite. These days when I get around my family it feels like the air is toxic. This morning I was in the car with family members and you can tell we all have something on our mind but none of us has the guts to say it. This is a long lasting tradition in my family. One day you argue and cut each others throat and the next day you smile and ask for what you need. I am sick of being the giving one. I put everyone's happiness above my own but then when I get nothing in return I take it out on the only person who actually is there for me. I guess it is just weird for me because when my father was alive he held us together and we held our head high. Now it feels like we cannot stand each other and hate the way we are living. Oh well I only have a little bit longer until I am graduated from a great university and all this will be in the rear-view mirror. 

la la love

You ever look at your life and be completely satisfied? Well most people don't but today seems like one of those days. A day that you have an epiphany. A day that you realize that even on a terrible no good day that it could always be worse, especially without that certain someone. I had a horrible day but it got better once I realized that I was being selfish and greedy. I tried to hold someone back from doing the very thing that made me fall in love with her. She may be evil, manipulative, bitchy and at time crazy but when she is not busy being all those things she is kind, wise, caring, and above all flawless. I don't want anything besides what we have. I mean the 800 I lost at the casino would be nice but I would much rather have her bitching in my ear. O_o